Many of my more extreme behaviors, both good and bad, are a result of not accepting me as I am. I have this sense that a desire to be better or improve myself stems from a dislike of who I am now. So I have worried that accepting who I am would undermine my achievements and my drive to be better. My competing worry has been that this is a false narrative and I am holding myself back.
I must take great care in considering my achievements and what drives them as often those are a means of making my lack of acceptance. Maybe if I achieve more or get to a certain status, that which I think I lack, will be fulfilled either seen by myself or influential people in my formative years (parents, etc.). The reality though is that achievements and the worldly stuff that comes with it are not fulfilling like we hope or imagine. To quote the philosopher, Don Draper, “What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness.”
My conclusion has been I can do what I want as the person I am as opposed to throwing effort at doing something to be somebody else.